Magan's Birth Story

My beautiful baby boy is 9 months old today. I don't think there is a day that goes by that I don't tell my husband Barret, "This baby is amazing." He is the biggest blessing that has ever come into our lives. We are forever changed. Today, I am finally making myself sit down and write his birth story. I can't believe it has been 9 months. It seems like it just happened. Here it is, long overdue, the birth story of our precious baby boy.

Saturday, July23rd, 2011 at around 11:30pm my husband and I were laying in bed. I felt a pop and next thing I know, water is just gushing out of me! I always wondered what it would feel like and it felt so weird! Barret was right next to me so he felt the water and we were both freaking out for a few seconds until we realized what is was. My contractions started right after that. I contacted Sally and she told me to eat something and try to sleep through the beginning contractions. I drank a protein drink and shortly after I projectile vomited all over our bed while Barret was bringing me a trashcan. That had never happened to me before but apparently all the hormones can make you nauseous! After that I tried to sleep which felt impossible because I was so nervous, excited and scared. Nervous- Am I doing everything I'm supposed to be doing? Am I going to miss something? Excited- The moment we've been waiting for is finally here, let's get this party started and meet our baby boy! Scared- What did I get myself into? There's no going back! This baby is coming whether I like it or not! Am I ready? Am I going to be able to do this?

Sally, our midwife, came shortly after in the wee hours of the morning. I was such a nervous first time mama and I was so relieved once she was there with me. She came and put me in bed and although I didn't really sleep I was able to rest for a little bit. Sometime during my resting in the bedroom, Heather, our second midwife, had joined the birthing crew. Within a few hours, laying down was very uncomfortable and it felt so much better to recline and rock in our glider chair. I don't think I have ever been so appreciative for a piece of furniture in my life! That chair was so comfortable. It still is, but it was heaven during contractions! I kept a heat pack behind my lower back and Barret kept warming it up when it got cool. I also spent some time on the medicine ball and sitting on the toilet seat backwards but both got to be quite uncomfortable as time went on because it helped the baby come down and made the pressure more intense. Better for birth, harder for mama. I found it hard to eat solid food other than a few bites of fruit and a blueberry muffin. Barret was so helpful bringing me protein drinks and Gatorade and getting me to drink them. He was so great during the birth. He was so helpful and attentive. It helped so much when he would rub my lower back. At some point they filled up the birthing tub that was in our living room. The birthing tub was amazing! My main focus during contractions was to try and relax through them and let my body do the work. The soft worship music playing through the house and the birthing tub both helped. I remember that I didn't talk much during the labor. I just remember breathing. I would breathe in and then breathe out slowly making an long exhale noise. The breathing really helped me stay calm. Instead of focusing on the pain of contractions I focused on breathing and making that exhale sound. I can't describe how hearing myself make that sound helped calm me but it did. It was like a constant and steady rhythm through the whole birth, except for the pushing of course. I also think it helped everyone know where I was at and how I was doing. It was a means of communicating when I didn't feel like talking.

Towards the end, I remember being in the birthing tub and feeling the urge to push. At first it happened a few sporadic times followed periods of regular contractions. Then finally it came time to push the baby out. No one told me to push. I didn't make myself push. My body just knew to push and it did. It was the most amazing and relieving thought that I didn't have to figure out when to push. I couldn't somehow miss it. My body knew when to give birth and the time was now. I was so excited at this point because I had been in slow and steady labor for 23 hours! When it was time to push, it felt like I woke up and had an energy boost out of nowhere. I was so excited! Finally after 23 hours of being uncomfortable and wondering if I was wrong, maybe the baby isn't coming right now (oh yes, I thought that) the end was finally in sight! I remember looking around and seeing everyone else with that same energy. It was like the room woke up. We were all in tune with the birth and it was time. The pushing was definitely the most painful but it almost seemed easier for me because I was motivated that we were near the end and I was about the meet my baby boy. I remember when he was crowing, Sally asked me if I wanted to feel his head, and I said no. I just wanted to keep going! I was ready to get that baby out! It took one push for his head and one more for his body. With the help of Sally, Barret caught Braden and immediately handed him to me. I still remember that special moment. It makes me cry typing this. It was so special! I remember looking at him and thinking, "Wow. This is what you look like. You are the little one that has been in my tummy all this time. I am your mommy." It was so intimate and beautiful. He let out his first cry. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. He was so small and so perfect. I was just able to hold him in the tub. Everything was calm and I really felt like everyone respected that moment. I will never forget it. Barret was able to cut the umbilical cord. I remember how proud he was of me as I labored hour after hour, how excited he was when I was pushing and when the baby was crowing, and then the moment when he caught the baby and we met our little guy for the first time. It's like nothing else in the world.

Braden Matthew Miller was born at 12:48am on July 25th, 2011 at 6 pounds 8 ounces, 20 inches.

I loved the whole experience. I was surrounded by so much support. I had my loving husband by my side and two midwives that believed in me even during the moments when I wasn't sure I believed in me! I remember it was so encouraging to hear Sally say, "You are doing a great job." "This is what your body was meant to do." "You can do this." I remember looking at her and asking, "Am I doing okay?" just to hear her tell me again that I was doing great. Sally and Heather were so attentive, patient and kind. No one demanded anything of me. I was allowed to go through the whole birthing process and just focus on my breathing and pray. No one demanded I talk, smile or tell them anything. It's like I knew they were all there but I was able to focus on my birthing journey. They were okay being the background and letting the birth take the spotlight. The experience was so amazing in the sense that I had to face so many fears and unknowns and in the end we received the most precious gift. It was such a beautiful experience I was able to share with Barret. He was able to be my main support and help through the whole thing which made it very special for both of us. I am so happy that we chose to do a natural home water-birth and I cannot imagine a better or more qualified midwife than Salli. She was truly a blessing from God. I will forever treasure the experience of birthing Braden.

-Magan Miller 4/25/12

Aurelia's Birth Story

by Jessica Palmer on Sunday, April 8, 2012 at 11:01am ·

At around 1am I woke up feeling some pains. Barely conscious I had to think where the pain was coming from this time. “Charlie horse? Nope... Stitch in my side? Nope... Heart burn? Nope... Braxton hicks?...... That is NOT Braxton hicks!!!” I rolled myself out of bed and shambled into the bathroom. Staring at myself in the mirror, I saw the same ear-to-ear grin on my face from approximately 9 months ago when that life-changing pink plus sign showed on the pregnancy test.
I was having contractions. Not those annoying Braxton hicks. REAL contractions! Soon I'd get to hold, look, smell, cuddle, kiss my little Aurelia! It took every ounce of my very pregnant body to stop myself from jumping with joy, then another contraction came and I had to sit down.
When it finally passed, I climbed back into bed and “gently” woke Danny, my awesome husband. He peeked at me through one squinted eye. I'm assuming he saw my ridiculous grin because both of his eyes popped open finally and he asked, “Is this it?!”
Nodding, “I'm starting a bath!”
Danny texted Salli, my midwife, that contractions had started and after my bath we'd try to get some more sleep. My contractions were very sporadic (anywhere from 3 minutes to 10 minutes apart), and I was experiencing some back labor with the contractions (that was only the beginning). But in-between contractions, things were great.
Danny and I were very thankful I was able to get back to sleep – and I slept really good. I don't remember what time we woke up because I swore to myself I would not look at a clock (and I didn't, so unless someone said anything I never knew what time it was), but I guess it was around 8am. My contractions were still sporadic, so we did our usual thing. Eat breakfast and watch some toons. Then Danny inflated the birthing tub while I relaxed on the bed. We texted our families that things were starting. Since I was still feeling pretty good, and we knew it might be a while before things really started rockin', we invited his mom and his younger sister over to hang out. My MIL timed my contractions in the midst of all our conversations, walks around the yard, and visits to the food pantry – but stopped during my many bathroom breaks ;-)!
Everything was pretty relaxed since my contractions were still very sporadic, and I could manage them (although my MIL knew when they began/ended by looking at my face). Salli suggested I go into what reminded me as child's pose for as long/often as I could to help my contractions become more consistent. Basically I rested while keeping my behind above my head. I looked silly, but it did the trick – they went from 3-10 minutes apart to 3-4 minutes apart – but still manageable.
My mom and my sister came over to see how things were going later that afternoon, and by that time the contractions were getting a little more difficult to get through. My mom started cleaning my kitchen, and we popped in “She's Out of My League”. We set up a spot for me in the middle of the living room floor so I could do child's pose and then lay down. But as soon as the movie started I had enough of child's pose and the contractions were averaging 4 minutes and were getting more intense. Every time a contraction rolled in, my MIL brushed my hair and caressed my face – it was very soothing, especially her cool hands on my hot face.
After a few minutes, Danny helped me up and took me to the bathroom for the millionth time. But this time, I wouldn't let his hands go. I started to cry in pain. The back labor was awful. It was time for everyone to leave! As I sat in the bathroom, Danny told everyone good-bye, thank you, and everyone wished us good luck. It was a bit after 4pm by this time.
Since I was in the guest bathroom, Danny helped me back to our master bathroom and drew a bath to hopefully help my back pain (to no avail). He grabbed my phone and started texting Salli. It was all up to me whether I wanted her over. I was unsure and then I felt another contraction – yes, I definitely needed her to come over.
As Danny began filling up the tub I tried different positions to help ease the back labor – going on my hands and knees, resting against a wall with feet shoulder-length apart, lying on this side, that side... ah, it just wouldn't go away. Danny tried massaging my back, but as soon as a contraction came along it was hands off! For what only seemed like minutes, Salli came in to see how everything was going. Well, the water in the birth tub was too cold (I had used up all the hot water for my shower/bath), and the back labor was just... AGH! But everything else was great. Salli asked if she could check me, and I said okay. As she checked I thought, “Oh, I'm only going to be 4 or 5cm. Yeah, sounds about right.” When she was done, she said the most amazing thing EVER! I was 8-9cm, 100% effaced and the water sac was bulging – ready to pop whenever. All I could think was, “YESSS! YES YES YES YES YES YES YESSSSSSSSSS! I AM WOMAN! HEAR ME ROAA—AHH!” Contraction. I smiled.
I continued laying on my bed breathing through the contractions while Danny and Salli worked on warming up the birthing tub. Finally I asked if it was ready for me, and Salli said the second most amazing thing ever, “Yes!” And I went in. And, man, was it nice! I was able to relax a bit more. Salli and Danny continued filling the tub with more hot water, and finally settled down. Salli to my left, Danny in front of me. I was set.
I continued trying different positions to ease the back labor. Danny would offer his hands, he'd kiss me, tell me I was doing great as I mashed my forehead into his because that helped ease the back labor a bit. He was just... amazing. Everything about Danny during that time was amazing. His skin, his breath, the smell of his shampoo! He was great! Exactly what I needed to get through the back labor. Salli, however, would try doing counter pressure, placing a hot or cold rag on my back. It all felt great until a contraction came and all those things just made the back labor worse! Eventually I just relaxed into the tub, and breathed as I felt wave after wave of every contraction. At some point during all of this Salli's assistant came.
I remember thinking my contractions were easy. Everything would be fine, then my lower abdomen felt like it was tightening up. The sensation would raise throughout my abdomen and then wrap around my back. It was only my back that hurt! All I could think was, “She is almost here!” (which became my mantra to get through the pain). But as soon as the contraction faded away, the pain would subside greatly and I was okay again. Danny would cheer me on, I had another whiff of him, and Salli would smile. Then I'd remind myself it was all worth it, and was pumped for the next one!
At about 8:30pm I started grunting. Salli asked if I was pushing, but I said I wasn't sure. I didn't really feel the urge to push, but I wanted to grunt. The back pain was getting really awful (it felt like someone was digging an ice-pick in my lower back). Although Salli said I was in the best position for back relief (hands and knees) I wasn't getting it, and it was unbearable. She explained to me the baby's head was finding her way down through my pelvis. By now, my hands began to prune, and the birthing tub was beginning to lose it's charm. I wanted out.
I climbed back into bed, Danny joined me and I held his hand. Salli had me lay in a position for a few contractions. I began to whimper because the back labor was worse than ever. She's almost here! Then I tried another position, and the back pain worsened. Almost here! Almost here! Almost here! *pop* Water broke, and a huge wave of relief came over me. It. Was. Great.
I rolled over to another position, side-lying. I felt that urge to push. Salli lifted the top leg and rested it on her shoulder, and I yelled a long, loud grunt! “UUUUAAAAGGHHH!!!” That urge to push was absolutely amazing. I still can not believe how powerful that sensation was. It was uncontrollable. I did not know why there is such a thing as guided pushing for un-medicated labors. And I could not believe anyone would tell a laboring woman, “Wait.” Not pushing at that time is just so unnatural (and the body will push for you whether or not you get that stupid thing done anyway!) And, well, my body made me push with it! That urge was so powerful I could only grunt/yell to exhale. Thankfully Danny was guiding my breathing between pushes. At one point, Salli's assistant said, "I think you're pushing!" and all I could think was, "Uh... DUH!!!"
Danny was my only focal point, and he was a great one. My sensations were on a high! He looked amazing, he smelled amazing, and... his eyes! Oh man, his eyes! His eyes were all shades of blue at once! I kept falling in love with the man of my life over and over, again and again!
Throughout all of this, Salli was propping up my leg and her assistant was busy cleaning me off and cheering me on. I remember Salli put her finger inside me and said, “Push here.” I was so confused and asked, “How do I do that?” And another powerful urge to push came over me. Apparently I missed out on her explanation. The tip of her finger indicated where the baby's head was (and now I understand the baby was incredibly close). I could feel the ring of fire, the baby was crowning and I could feel her head beginning to come out, but I had to hold myself (I was putting pressure on certain places of my private parts, otherwise I probably would have torn. Note: using your own hands are so convenient in labor so just go ahead and touch yourself whenever you feel the need ;-) ). Salli further helped me by doing a perineal massage (she explained herself, but, once again I missed it so it was a surprise to me – it's amazing how focused you are when birthing)!
Finally, the baby's head came out. Another huge relief! Salli, however, asked me to stop pushing. She had to suck some stuff out of the baby's nose/mouth. It was incredibly hard to do, but I managed it. Then I got to push again, and my beautiful Aurelia (all of 8lbs 2oz, 22in) was placed ON my belly at 9:55pm, November 21, 2011. After 20 hours of labor, my little Rae of sunshine was finally in my arms! She was so warm, so soft, so here! I never felt so happy, so relaxed... so... empowered. I am mother! Here me ROAR!
Salli continued working on Rae while I held her, and her assistant checked me. Everything was a breeze... and I was very ticklish to say the least! My ony souvenir was an adorable baby and a sore throat.
But a few hours after Aurelia was born we had to go to the hospital. Aurelia was taking too long to stabilize, and she was retracting. Although when we got there, she appeared to be doing great (she even fooled the doctor) but some chest x-rays proved otherwise. She had meconium aspiration (which is very common but most babies bounce back from it real quick). Salli did everything a doctor would at the perinium and as soon as she was out (sucking out the stuff, providing oxygen, and then observing), but it turns out Rae had a respiratory infection. We were at the hospital for a week, and although I did have a thing or two about the place, all the doctors and nurses were amazing and made our stay there as comfortable as possible. But that is another story.

The Power of a Woman

I recently read an excellent blog post by Mama Birth (the article) expounding on the myth of women in third world countries who can give birth in a rice paddy and then continue on with their work, baby tied to their back. While I believe this may have happened and may still be happening in third world countries, I don't really believe that this is where the power of a woman truly lies.

The true power of a woman lies deep within herself. A birthing mother has fears, questions, and anxious thoughts. "What if I can't". All of these must be faced at some point or another as she contemplates the labor and birth of her baby and the fact that she is that baby's mother from now until eternity. These fears can be daunting.

Fortunately, there have been women before her that have had all the same fears. Her mother, her sister, a friend, the lady that writes a blog. Many women have gone before her to pave the way and show her that she can indeed give birth. The power of a woman is mighty. The power of a woman is that which can surmount the impossible. You may have heard that birth is like pushing a watermelon through a garden hose. While I don't agree with this analogy, we are talking about a task that does take some effort. Yes, it may hurt. I won't lie to you. But, I can tell you this: Your body was made for this purpose. Your body has the ability to stretch, to open, to flower. Much like a bud, the body releases gently allowing the baby to pass through.

The power of a woman's body is amazing, the power of her uterus to be able to push out a baby is amazing. A paralyzed woman can do it - it's that powerful. You may feel like you are not up to the task. I say, if you truly want to, you CAN do it. I have seen it many times over with my own to eyes (and I'm still in awe). A woman's body is truly powerful.